


I Was Once So Stupid

by Sss_battlefront



Category: Madoka Magica, Mahou Shoujo Madoka Magika | Puella Magi Madoka Magica
Genre: F/F, Multi, Other
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-12-22
Updated: 2015-01-29
Packaged: 2018-03-02 18:17:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,763
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2821652
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sss_battlefront/pseuds/Sss_battlefront
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Set after the Rebellion movie. Sayaka ends up slowly regaining her old memories. She'll feel the burden of trying to stop Homura and get Madoka her powers back. She ends up feeling helpless in trying to do so. After all what can she do? She's all alone and doesn't have her old powers. And is it even worth changing things when everyone seems so happy anyway? Should she just leave things the way they are now? What would Madoka truly want? Obviously the best for everyone, but how can she achieve that now? Will she ever be able to reveal the truth? If so, will the outcome even be worth it? It hurts being the only one to remember and that no one remembers the days where they were all comrades. Especially  Kyouko...Kyouko doesn't know just how much she means to Sayaka and has forgotten how much she truly treasured Sayaka too. Perhaps Sayaka is doing this all for the wrong reasons, selfish ones. She hates being the only one to remember. She hates living in a lie. So for better or worse, she is going to try to get Madoka her powers back. Only time will tell just how this will end.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I first rememberd her in a dream or something...

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first serious fan fiction so if you have any advice for me I would be happy to hear it! Dedicated to my friend Theo who encouraged me to write this! Also I haven't had someone else look this over for me, so I apologize for any spelling and grammar mistakes!

_ The one thing I'll never forget is that you, Akemi Homura, are a demon! _

* * *

 

 

_RING RING RING_. Sayaka pratically fell out of bed in her struggle to turn off her new alarm clock. Her parents had insisted on getting her one since they were off at work before she woke up and she had a problem with getting up on time. She didn't know why though. She had the strangest feeling that this never used to be the case. She kinda felt like she should be walking to school with someone and if that were true, Sayaka definately would've gotten up in time. Even she wasn't rude enough to make someone wait if she could help it. But Hitomi hadn't walked with her in ages. They hadn't been close since they were four or five and now she walks to school with her boyfriend. They just didn't have much in common. Maybe if they had another friend close to them that they could bond over and with, it could've worked. It just felt like they were missing someone whenever they had hung out.

     It wasnt like Sayaka hated Hitomi. Sure she was dating the guy she had once loved, but Sayaka couldn't hate her for that. He was an easy person to fall in love with. However, she mused over the thought of Hitomi's disapointed face when Kyouske told her in homeroom that he couldn't go on a date with her because of violin practice, he must be a difficult person to keep loving. Sayaka had been a bit upset when they had gotten together, but she hadn't felt as hollow as she had been expecting. It was almost like she had known it was coming somehow. She also hadn't been upset for very long at all. Her friend Kyouko had noticed she seemed a little down and took Sayaka out for ice-cream. Sayaka ended up telling Kyouko all about it and Kyouko had comforted her. Sayaka couldn't help but notice how kind her voice had been and how pretty her long red hair was as all. Kyouko had walked her back home after that and the two had said goodbye.

     They had just met this year; Kyouko's father was a very popular priest so he had moved their family to a bigger city for bigger sermons. Kyouko sat next to Sayaka during homeroom and they had most of their classes together so naturally they began to talk. They disagreed over petty little things but somehow they just really clicked. It was if they had known each other for so much longer then the start of this school year. They had started hanging out a lot after school and the time they spent together was the most fun Sayaka had had in ages. It was also bittersweet in a way she did not know how to describe.

     Sayaka groggily pulled herself out of bed and grabbed her uniform out of her closet. She wearily staggered into the bathroom and started washing her face. She rubbed it with a blue towel once she was done and pulled off her pajamas. Before she tugged on her uniform though she stopped and stared at her arm. What she saw woke her up right away.

     There were several sentences scrawled onto her arm in blue pen. She was relieved to see it was her own handwriting, but that relief soon faded once she read what it said.

_Don't Trust Akemi Homura_

_Keep her away from Madoka_

_Akemi Homura is a demon_

_I'm the only one who can remember_

_Not crazy_

      The last one seemed to be written as an after thought. Sayaka stared blankly at them all though for several moments. She had no memory of writing them last night. She had to have written them last night right? They weren't on her arm before she went to bed. She didn't write them while she was still awake at least. Did she do it in her sleep? Was that even possible? Maybe she did it during her weird dream last night.

     Weird dream? Sayaka blinked then squinted as she tried to remember the details.

     Yes, she had dreamed last night. She could feel it with an utter certainty. But it was blurry and she couldn't remember what it had been about at all. All she could recall was a figure in a lovely white gown, flowing pink hair, and bright golden eyes. _Madoka?_

     Was that the name of the seemingly goddess like girl? Sayaka thought it was. It seemed so obviously familiar in a way that made her want to whack her head for ever forgetting such a thing. She spoke that name aloud.

     "Madoka," she whispered tenderly. Then she started to chant, "Madoka, Madoka Madoka!" She didn't realize she was crying until she looked back up in the mirror. She slowly wiped her tears away. Why was she crying in the first place? She had never met someone named Madoka. So why...

     So why did she feel so regretful? Why did she feel so protective of her? She was certain this "Madoka" had once been a very important person to her. But if that was the case how come she couldn't recall anything about her?

_Don't Trust Akemi Homura_

      Sayaka mused over this sentence next. She knew who Akemi Homura was. Everyone in her school knew who she was. Akemi was a tall, slender, black haired, beautiful girl in her grade. They didn't share the same homeroom or any of the same classes, but Sayaka had passed her in the hall multiple times as well as hearing others talk about her.

      She was very smart; she was at the top of the grade. She was so beautiful, she must be a model for sure. She was so quiet and mysterious; she seemed to have no close friends, but many tried to talk to her, trying in vain to become friends. Despite the fact she wouldn't let anyone close to her, she was very popular. She just had that type of aura, Sayaka supposed.

      Sayaka didn't like her. She didn't know why, but there was just something about her that seemed so _wrong._ Occasionally when their eyes met in the hallway, Akemi just gave her this _look_ with a horrid smirk. It was if she knew something Sayaka didn't, and that bugged her endlessly. She had ranted about it to Kyouko a few times, but Kyouko had told her it was all in her head. After all, they had never even spoken to each other! Maybe she was just a smug, stuck up, jerk! Sayaka had smiled and pretended to agree, but she had still felt uneasy. If she was being honest with herself then she still was and this message certainly didn't help.

_Akemi Homura is a demon_

      A demon? Like a real demon? Sayaka shook her head. After all that just wasn't possible right? Sure Akemi didn't seem like much of a nice person, but there was no way she could be a _demon_! She looked up to the sentence before that one.

_Keep her away from Madoka_

      But who was Madoka? Ho could she keep her away from Akemi if she didn't even know who this Madoka girl was?

_I'm the only one who can remember_

      The only one who can remember what? Sayaka felt ready to start crying again. She really must be crazy! None of this made any sense and she couldn't stick around to try and figure it out because she had school!

      School! Sayaka started scrubbing her arm viciously, as if she could scrub away the memories of what had just happened along with the words. She threw on her uniform and quickly brushed her hair and teeth. She ran into her room to get her school bag and noticed the time on her clock. If she ran she might be able to make it on time!

      Sayaka grabbed an apple, ignored her slightly throbbing arm, and ran out the door. As she was running she looked up to the sky and saw some birds flying above her. They looked the same as every other bird she had ever saw yet completely different at the same time. They had an ominous feel to them and Sayaka couldn't help but feel things were about to change for the worse yet again.

      Yet again?


	2. That would be truly wonderful

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys enjoy this next chapter! I wrote it in like an hour and I'm exhausted so I apologize for any spelling and grammar mistakes. Once again this is dedicated to Theo and I hope you all like this! Please feel free to comment below!

      Out of breath, Sayaka sat down at her desk. She had made it to school with only minutes to spare and Kyouko was looking at her with sympathy.

      "Rough morning?" Kyouko asked.

       Sayaka nodded, "You have no idea." She felt like shaking just thinking about it, which in turn made her angry, because she wasn't supposed to get scared so easily. She had faced much scarier things then this after all! But even then she at least had someone by her side whether it be Kyouko or Madoka or Mami...

      Mami? Sayaka blinked as yet another new name popped into her head. She couldn't recall if there was a girl named that in her grade. Maybe there was, but Sayaka was sure the Mami in question was an upperclassman. However she didn't really talk to anyone in the higher grades since she wasn't in any clubs and was an only child.

      Kyouko shook her shoulder and Sayaka turned to look at her.

      "Jeez, have you been listening to a single thing I've been sayin'?" Kyouko asked with more than a hint of annoyance. Sayaka sheepishly shook her head. Kyouko groaned, "I said that we are getting a new transfer student! She's supposed to be all the way from America!"

      Sayaka began to perk up with interest. "Really?" She asked wide eyed and Kyouko grinned at her.

      "Yeah! Ms. Kazuko is going to the office to get her now! Speaking of which, she's probably gonna be unhappy that you missed her latest rant about her new ex."

      "What, but I got here on time!"

      "Yeah, but she started really early today. I guess she couldn't keep it all to herself for much longer she kinda seemed like she was gonna explode if she didn't get it out soon enough!" Sayaka and Kyouko laughed but the sounds were drowned out by the bell. The classroom door opened and everyone turned to look at it. Ms. Kazuko walked in and behind her was a girl that was shyly looking down at the floor. Everyone gasped when she looked up. Sayaka froze once she saw her face.

      She looked exactly like the goddess from her dream! Well pretty close anyway. Her pink hair was much shorter and held up by two yellow ribbons and her eyes were a soft pink instead of the strinking gold color Sayaka remembered. _Madoka._ It wasn't hard to guess why everyone had gasped and were now whispering among themselves with excitment; she was very pretty, especially with her wide eyes and short stature.

     Kyouko jabbed a pencil in Sayaka's arm and she hissed quietly in pain, "What did you do that for?"

     Kyouko shrugged and whispered back, " I just didn't like the expression on your face." Sayaka glared and turned back to stare at...Madoka like everyone else.

     Ms. Kazuko smiled and said, "Everyone quiet down! I know you're all excited to have a new classmate, but you're being a bit rude!" ...Madoka blushed and went back to looking at the floor. Ms. Kazuko gently smiled at her, "Would you likw to introduce yourself?" The pink haired girl nodded.

     "Hello," She started off in a quiet voice. Sayaka liked the sound of it, it was very soothing and kind. Kyouko coughed softly but Sayaka chose to ignore her. "My name is Madoka Kaname and I recently moved here from America, becuase of my mother's job. I look forward to being in this class with you all!" She said bashfully.

     Sayaka felt her heart rate rapidly increase. She was right, this girl was named Madoka, but how? She had never seen or met her before, none of this made any sense! And if her dream was right, which she very highly doubted, then how come she was at school? After all what kind of goddess would put herself through this kinda thing, not to mention she would have been busy with saving girls before they turned into...

     Wait what other girls needed saving? What were they going to be turned into? Sayaka's head began to throb and she rubbed at her temples and didn't notice Madoka taking the seat in fron of her until Madoka greeted her. Sayaka awkwardly greeted her back, but they didn't have much time to talk because class was begining to start. She couldn't talk to Madoka during breaks either, because she was swamped by other people in the class. Strangly enough, Sayaka and Kyouko had most of their classes with her.

     Kyouko was acting strange; Sayaka noticed it after their first class together. She tried to confront Kyouko about it during lunch but she had refused to answer and had only stuffed her face with food. Sayaka had eventually given up, but she knew she had to get to the bottom of it some time. However for now, Sayaka had more pressing matters to worried about.

     If she was right about Madoka then she had a fair chance of being right about this Mami girl. She couldn't remember anything about her besides her name, but Sayaka had a nolstagic feeling that they were once pretty close. She had to find her, but how could she do so? Sayaka didn't know her full name of even what she looked liked! Sayaka internally groaned. Why was her life getting so complicated?

     After what seemed like years, school finally ended. She said goodbye to Kyouko, who had only grumbled back, and started off on her way home. As she was walking she stopped to stare at one of the birds she saw this morning. It might've been dumb to believe it was one of the same ones from ealier, but it had such a strange vibe and it seemed..angry. It was perched on the top of a bench and all of the sudden it just flew straight at her. Sayaka shrieked and ducked and the bird let out a loud cry bfore flying off into the sky.

     "Are you ok?" A soothing and melodic voice asked. Sayaka turned and saw it was Madoka.

     "Oh um yeah I'm fine, it didn't h-hurt me or anything," Sayaka stuttered.

     Madoka closed her eyes and smiled. "I'm glad!" Sayaka didn't say anything in response. She didn't know how. Madoka looked up at her again. "Are you walking home or do you have a job or anything?"

     Sayaka shook her head. "No, you were right the first time. How about you?"

     Madoka grinned. "I'm walking home too! It looks like we are going in the same direction, so would you mind walking together for a bit?"

     Sayaka didn't mind and told her so, "That would be truly wonderful."

     They had an easy conversation going the entire time; it was as if they had known each other for years. Once they finally parted after a goodbye, Sayaka had to shake her head several times. This girl just kept giving her such nostalgic and bittersweet feelings. She wondered if Madoka felt them too and she smiled to herself at the thought.

     However her strange happiness was fleeting; Sayaka felt like she was being watched. She turned her head to the side and her eyes widened when she realized she was. These little girls were staring at her from several yeards away. They were even shorter than Madoka and were dressed in all black. Their heads were all tilted in the same direction and were giving her sinister grins. Sayaka shuddered but steeled her resolve and started glaring back. This seemed to only make the girls chuckle but they were gone in a flash - literally. Sayaka had blinked, and they were gone! She wasn't sure if they had even been there in the first place.

     Sayaka grimly made her way back home. When she arrived she went straight to her room, after kicking off her shoes, and flopped onto her bed. She groaned as she stared at her ceiling. She really must be starting to go crazy after all.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kyouko got jealous of Madoka haha sorry idk if that was very clear. And those girls at the end were Homura's Clara dolls. Please tell me how I can improve in the comments below and kudos if you enjoyed it! Thanks for reading!


	3. I'm not Afraid of Anything Anymore

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for any spelling or grammar mistakes. My laptop is pretty old and I have no idea how to install spellcheck or anything on it. I hope you enjoy the story anyways!

Sayaka kept having her weird dreams. There were words written on her arm almost every morning, but they were so smudged she could never really make them out. She usually ignored the smudges, washed them off, and continued her morning routine, but she could not keep down her rising anxiety. Kyouko had noticed she had seemed off, but did not bother to address it. Sayaka was grateful for that; things had gotten a bit strained between them since Madoka had arrived at their school. To be honest, Sayaka noticed Kyouko had seemed a bit off as well, but she did not not how to ask what was wrong. She tried to gently push it out of the other girl one day during lunch, but the red-head dodged the question, and had said she needed to go see a teacher.

Sayaka knew that was a lie. However she let Kyouko leave, and only stared after her in confusion. Madoka had noticed she was sitting alone in the classroom, and despite having plenty of other people to sit with she decided to join Sayaka and Sayaka couldn't help but ask why.  
Madoka only closed her eyes and grinned and said, "I like being with you! It feels like I've known you for ages!" When she opened her eyes, she blushed when she saw how Sayaka was looking at her. "I apologize! That was a strange thing to say, wasn't it?" Madoka shyly peered up to meet Sayaka's gaze.  
Sayaka felt her heart beat faster. "No, it's not. I feel the same actually," Sayaka said and gave a small grin of her own. Madoka's own smile grew, and the girls chatted nonstop until the bell rung, signaling the end of lunch. Sayaka ended walking Madoka to her seat at the far end of the room, and continued chatting with her until the teacher came into the room, when she headed back she noticed Kyouko had come back. Sayaka tried to say hello, but Kyouko only grunted and refused to meet her gaze. The happiness she had gotten from Madoka disapeared. The two didn't speak for the rest of the day, and went home their separate ways without a single goodbye exchanged between them. 

Sayaka cried when she got home. She cried after doing her homework and while taking a bath as well. That had not been a good day despite getting to interact with Madoka.  
Sayaka felt like she still had so many questions to ask Madoka, yet she didn't know what any of them were. Actually that was a bit of a lie. She knew she wanted to ask of Madoka had experienced any strange dreams or feelings or anything else really. After all Madoka did say she felt like she had known Sayaka for a while, right? Was Sayaka reading too much into her words? She felt as though she had swallowed rocks that were sinking in her stomach and needles that would not stop scratching at her throat. These feeling were there the next morning and only increased after Sayaka look at her arm, which was once again covered in blue ink. However this time she could make out the words. There were not many there. 

Find Nagisa Momoe and Mami Tomoe

Sayaka stared at those two names. She tried saying them out loud and they left a bittersweet taste in her mouth, similar to the way Madoka's did. Homura's only left a sour taste that made Sayaka feel even more anxious, if that was even possible at this point.  
Nagisa Momoe? Sayaka closed her eys and tried to imagine what this girl might look like. After all she must have been in a dream she had, otherwise why would she write her name on her arm like she had with Madoka? Nagisa....Sayaka felt as if this Nagisa was much younger than herself...An elementary schooler?  
Mami...The older girl who must be an upperclassman that Sayaka had briefly remembered before. Sayaka screwed her eyes shut even tighter then before and tried to delve into her mind.   
Nothing came up. Sayaka flopped down on her bed face first in fustration. How was she supposed to find these girls if she didn't even have any idea what they looked like? And to top it all off, now she was going to be late to school! School?  
Sayaka groaned once she realized it was a Saturday. She had gotten up early for nothing! Well maybe she could help her mom with breakfast at least. Sayaka hadn't gotten the chance to really talk to her parents in ages. They were never very close, but they were kind people and Sayaka really did love them.  
She walked quickly to the kitchen, but to her surprise it was empty. Usually her mother was making breakfast at this time. Sayaka saw a note on the table and with a heavy heart she went to go read it.

It stated what she had already known when the kitchen was empty. Her parents went to work early to work overtime and going to hang out with friends later so they would both be home late. This wasn't the first time something like this had happened, but it kept getting more and more frequent. Sayaka wished she could spend more time with her parents, but it would be rude to ask them to put plans on hold just so they could talk to her. She would probably only stress them out with her issues anyway. If Kyouko's attitude was anything to go by, she hadn't been the best of company lately.

Sayaka looked back to the note and saw her mother requested her to get a few items from the store. She decided to get it down early so maybe later she could text Kyouko and try to get things less awkward between them. She quickly ate some toast and fruit, got dressed, grabbed some money that had been on top of the note, and went on her way.  
The morning air was a bit chilly and crisp, but Sayaka loved it. She snuggled into her blue jacket and wrapped her white scarf around her neck a bit more tightly and walked to the nearest grocery store with more bounce in her steps then what had been there recently. There was a huge sign in front of the store advertising a sale on cheese products but Sayaka payed no attention to it as she wasn't there to get any cheese. Sayaka grabbed a basket and began grabbing items then checking off things on her list. Apples, check...bread, check...milk, check...cereal -

"Nagisa, slow down!" Sayaka heard a disaproving voice and lifted up her head in the direction from which she had heard that statement.

"You gotta keep up with me!" A cheerful voice said, the owner of which was still out of Sayaka's line of vision. 

"Are you seriously going to buy all that cheese? Nagisa, put some back! You can't eat all that yourself for sure; do you even have enough money?" The first voice asked in a slightly shocked tone.

"Of course I have the money!" Nagisa cheered. "I sure can eat all this myself anyway, but I'm gonna share it with my momma too! Plus it's all on sale so I would be so dumb not to take this chance!"

"Fine, but be careful! You're going to drop everyth-" A huge crash interrupted the girl speaking. Sayaka race over to the next aisle, her heard pounding like crazy.

What she saw shocked her and she froze for a moment. A very small girl with long white hair was on her belly on the floor. Her face was on it too and she was making small noises of complaints. Boxes and packets of cheese littered the area around her. A girl with curly,long, blond hair in pigtails was rubbing her back and trying to get the younger one up. Sayaka snapped out of her daze, placed her basket to the side, and went over to help pick up all the cheese. The blond managed to get the white-haired girl up, Sayaka figured she was Nagisa, and together they had cleaned up the aisle in no time.

"Thank you for the help!" They both said in unision before looking at each other and giggling. 

"It was no trouble," Sayaka grinned. These two girls seemed familiar somehow in a way that made her feel very happy. It was like she had shared some very fond moments with them despite this being their first time meeting.

Sayaka blinked. This young girl was Nagisa, right? So could the other one be...

"I'm Mami Tomoe and this is my friend Nagisa Momoe," Mami stuck out her hand and Sayaka quickly took it. Sayaka was right! But what should she do now?

"I'm Sayaka Miki," Sayaka said shyly looking into Mami's yellow eyes. 

Nagisa grabbed her hand next, "Thanks for helping me and Mami pick up all my stuff!" Nagisa grinned and peered up at her. Sayaka was amazed by her multi-colored eyes; they were beautiful, almost as beautiful as Madoka's golden ones-

But Madoka did not have golden eyes, her eyes were pink. Sayaka banished her confusing thoughts away.

"It was no trouble!" She insisted.

"Even so, it was still a very nice thing to do," Mami said. She looked at Nagisa, who tilted her head as if asking a question. Seemingly making up their minds at the same time, they both turned to face her. "Would you like to come back to my place for some cake and tea?" Mami asked. 

Sayaka hesitated. She couldn't help but to keep remembering the message on her arm. She had found them like it had said, but what should she do now? Why did she even have to find them in the first place?

She didn't know the answer to any of those questions. However she did know that Nagisa was looking up to her with a hopeful expression. She knew Mami was genuine and would not have offered Sayaka tea at her house if she did not mean it. Sayaka also knew that for some reason being with these two made her happy, even if sometimes she felt like there were bittersweet memories between them that she could not remember. Sayaka was afraid that more memories lied beneathe the surface. She was afraid of what would happen if, because of her...they could get hurt again. Again?

Sayaka couldn't stop her ominous feeling that the worse was still yet to come. But she could stop one thing for now - her other feelings of fear. She wouldn't accomplish anything by letting her fear rule her life. She would never figure out the secrets of her dreams and the messages written on her arm. Just because the answers might not be pleasant ones, that doesn't mean she should live in ignorance right? True heros were courageous and did noble acts of justice without being afraid! She had always wanted to be a hero, what if now was her chance? 

Sure it was just some tea and cake at a new friends house. Maybe she was making this into a bigger deal than it was. Sayaka was probably doing that already though. No she certainly was. This might not lead to anything. It probably wouldn't. But it was certainly a start and that was something Sayaka needed more than anything at this point. 

"I would love to," Sayaka eventually answered. Mami smiled and Nagisa cheered. They went to go pay for their items separately, but met up again at the start. The three girls all started chatting as they walked to Mami's house. Sayaka smiled as the two others started having a silly arguement over food. Sayaka decided at that moment to try not to be afraid of anything anymore. Fear wouldn't keep these two safe, or Madoka, or Kyouko! Sayaka needed to make sure they ended up alright. And she felt like she had to find out the truth to do so. She would take on any burden she could to discover the truth as long as everyone else turned out okay in the end. That's what a true hero of justice should do after all!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please feel free to comment and kudos if you liked the story please!

**Author's Note:**

> I hope that wasn't too crappy! The birds Sayaka saw were the birds that were in Homura's labyrinth when she was a witch in the third movie in case some of you don't remember. Please leave comments below!


End file.
